YES
I AM A SADIST
I LOVE TO WATCH YOU PEOPLE TO SUFFER
TO SUFFOCATE
TO SURRENDER WITHOUT ANY STRENGTH LEFT
TO CRY OUT WITH YOUR EXTREME AGONY
YES
I LOVE IT.
WATCHING YOU DETERIORATING
WATCHING YOU PERISHING
IS INDEED LOVELY THING TO WATCH
ALL I DO,
IS JUST LAUGH
WITH HAPPINESS.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
determination ?
do i still have the chance
i want to be the best
i want to win everyone
i want to surpass everyone
of course,
you need to do it , only you can be it
what the hell
im so lazy
im sick of my grades
i want it to be 80 and above , not 70
its not enough.
i must do it
damn you angel,
stop talking bullshit and start acting
you still have time
it just depends how you spend your time
please angel
focus
i want to be the best
i want to win everyone
i want to surpass everyone
of course,
you need to do it , only you can be it
what the hell
im so lazy
im sick of my grades
i want it to be 80 and above , not 70
its not enough.
i must do it
damn you angel,
stop talking bullshit and start acting
you still have time
it just depends how you spend your time
please angel
focus
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
My motivator, my love
Ever since i came to Australia, its been seriously busy throughout the day. Mini test coming every week, then exams, works, assignment etc...
Time fled from may to july.
Now its 17th of July, damn, am i sitting in a time travelling machine or what ?
its july, then it will be september, then december.
Another year without Her, but i always know that she lives within my soul.
I envy my sisters that they have the chance to chat with her about college or university life.
Everytime i came home from college, i wont stop talking. I talk about my day in college, which jerk i bumped into, what teacher taught...etc.
It makes me feel better, telling my sister how is my day.
I like it.
Every time webcam chat with my grandma , shes so adorable, and buddy too. when she laughed, my sisters and I felt so happy too.
I wonder, or should i say surely dad's drinking skill is "improving".
I dont understand, is getting drunk and having a hangover the next day is fun?
You can drink , but can you dont get drunk?
sigh.
but i know that he changed a lot, ever since she fell ill.I can see the concern in his eyes.
but the most weirdest thing happen is that....during the last day of funeral, i suspected his tears, his sincerity, his agony.
Why? will she be replaced very soon?
i felt that because before she fell ill, both of my parents always argue and you can say that they almost filed a divorce. But still my mom wont do it, because she knows that it will affect her children badly.
When im down, i will hold tight her necklace, and pray that she will always watch over me, helping me fight against the odd.
To say that i escalated a lot, but, i always fear the day of my wedding, how much i wish she will be crying and watching me walking along the isle, praised me for marrying the right man, hugs and kisses ...
But those thing can poof off now. its not gonna happen.
She's gone. she's not here anymore.
she became my imagination.
she became my daily motivator.
its been 2 years + , i can do it.
I will always remember the promise with her in the car. I will make you proud .
Time fled from may to july.
Now its 17th of July, damn, am i sitting in a time travelling machine or what ?
its july, then it will be september, then december.
Another year without Her, but i always know that she lives within my soul.
I envy my sisters that they have the chance to chat with her about college or university life.
Everytime i came home from college, i wont stop talking. I talk about my day in college, which jerk i bumped into, what teacher taught...etc.
It makes me feel better, telling my sister how is my day.
I like it.
Every time webcam chat with my grandma , shes so adorable, and buddy too. when she laughed, my sisters and I felt so happy too.
I wonder, or should i say surely dad's drinking skill is "improving".
I dont understand, is getting drunk and having a hangover the next day is fun?
You can drink , but can you dont get drunk?
sigh.
but i know that he changed a lot, ever since she fell ill.I can see the concern in his eyes.
but the most weirdest thing happen is that....during the last day of funeral, i suspected his tears, his sincerity, his agony.
Why? will she be replaced very soon?
i felt that because before she fell ill, both of my parents always argue and you can say that they almost filed a divorce. But still my mom wont do it, because she knows that it will affect her children badly.
When im down, i will hold tight her necklace, and pray that she will always watch over me, helping me fight against the odd.
To say that i escalated a lot, but, i always fear the day of my wedding, how much i wish she will be crying and watching me walking along the isle, praised me for marrying the right man, hugs and kisses ...
But those thing can poof off now. its not gonna happen.
She's gone. she's not here anymore.
she became my imagination.
she became my daily motivator.
its been 2 years + , i can do it.
I will always remember the promise with her in the car. I will make you proud .
Friday, April 12, 2013
7 days before impact.
7 days until the doomsday....
alright im just kidding , ain't going to die !
but yet , its the new chapter of my life.
new environment ,surroundings, people and etc.
i was fine all along,until today, when i look back those photos in my smart phone photo album .
my pet dog , buddy,
damn, im so going to miss him !
he had this skin disease ( might due to his hyperactive at outdoor ) which always comes back and gives me a headache!
grandma. my grandma is going to be alone, not really alone , but .... she needs companion.she needs people to hear her thoughts , complaints , duh , the maid and etc.
after i leave , i might hardly get to see her , dont blame me for thinking things negatively , life is out of predictions , we never know what happen next.......im going to miss her too, very , very much.
i will not caught her climbing up and down doing stuff that she shouldnt do ...
i will not able to see her dozing off when she was watching her hokkien dramas.
i will not able to hear her silly stories .
she was always there for me , before and after my mum left.
luckily , before my mother left, she gave me a ability , to be more mature.
i get to know how loving my grandma is , although she is grumpy and careless a lil ,( and annoying .. hehe) but , she loves me and my sisters very much !
2nd person to thank is, my mother's sister in law , my aunt!
she loves and cares me alot....after my mother passed away, she had to take care of us , and makes dinner /lunch for us.
cooking dinner is a very big,big stress!!!!
when you are a mother and you have to cook for your family , may god bless you!
i never know cooking can be so stressful , and especially you got a choosy family member.
you have to think what to cook , what not to cook...etc...
i really hope the "thing" is real....so i dont have to leave them.....
i can watch over my grandmother ..my dad...and my pup !
i cant let go ..... but my mother's friend told me..: this is life.
yes, this is life, but not i wanted. i want everyone to be happy and safe.
how can i make sure that when i am so far away from them?
my grandmother makes me worried nowadays..
i realised that she started to be forgetful...and weak....
she definitely needs someone!
please mother , if you saw this, make miracle happens...grandma's age now is meant for enjoying, not suffering...
i cant help it...
i cant leave my family ...
why do i have to go so far?
why all of this have to happen?
seriously , why , why mummy had to go first?
after she left, everything was a mess.
and peaceful....not happy , but sadness everywhere....
all i can do now..is appreciate them...before i go ..
i love you, every single of you . god, please watch over my father , my grandmother , and my relatives.
is these all your challenge? just put it on me , but not them.
especially my grandma...
she cant take it.....
alright im just kidding , ain't going to die !
but yet , its the new chapter of my life.
new environment ,surroundings, people and etc.
i was fine all along,until today, when i look back those photos in my smart phone photo album .
my pet dog , buddy,
damn, im so going to miss him !
he had this skin disease ( might due to his hyperactive at outdoor ) which always comes back and gives me a headache!
grandma. my grandma is going to be alone, not really alone , but .... she needs companion.she needs people to hear her thoughts , complaints , duh , the maid and etc.
after i leave , i might hardly get to see her , dont blame me for thinking things negatively , life is out of predictions , we never know what happen next.......im going to miss her too, very , very much.
i will not caught her climbing up and down doing stuff that she shouldnt do ...
i will not able to see her dozing off when she was watching her hokkien dramas.
i will not able to hear her silly stories .
she was always there for me , before and after my mum left.
luckily , before my mother left, she gave me a ability , to be more mature.
i get to know how loving my grandma is , although she is grumpy and careless a lil ,( and annoying .. hehe) but , she loves me and my sisters very much !
2nd person to thank is, my mother's sister in law , my aunt!
she loves and cares me alot....after my mother passed away, she had to take care of us , and makes dinner /lunch for us.
cooking dinner is a very big,big stress!!!!
when you are a mother and you have to cook for your family , may god bless you!
i never know cooking can be so stressful , and especially you got a choosy family member.
you have to think what to cook , what not to cook...etc...
i really hope the "thing" is real....so i dont have to leave them.....
i can watch over my grandmother ..my dad...and my pup !
i cant let go ..... but my mother's friend told me..: this is life.
yes, this is life, but not i wanted. i want everyone to be happy and safe.
how can i make sure that when i am so far away from them?
my grandmother makes me worried nowadays..
i realised that she started to be forgetful...and weak....
she definitely needs someone!
please mother , if you saw this, make miracle happens...grandma's age now is meant for enjoying, not suffering...
i cant help it...
i cant leave my family ...
why do i have to go so far?
why all of this have to happen?
seriously , why , why mummy had to go first?
after she left, everything was a mess.
and peaceful....not happy , but sadness everywhere....
all i can do now..is appreciate them...before i go ..
i love you, every single of you . god, please watch over my father , my grandmother , and my relatives.
is these all your challenge? just put it on me , but not them.
especially my grandma...
she cant take it.....
Friday, January 18, 2013
paranoid much?
i been thinking a lot lately.
this one and only question , is dad going to remarried with other woman?
well you see he is now ...considered as widower.
he may marry another woman ,depends on his desire .
i dont know why , but i think i will hate her if one day i am going to have a stepmother.
usually in movies stepmother is evil , and just want money or fame.
i asked my sisters whether they can accept another woman becoming our mother.
they say as long as dad is happy , then it is okay.
of course, i surely wont call her "mummy". might as well calling her real name or adding "aunt" at her name.
i really cant accept the fact of the replacement on mummy's place.
its ridiculous !
seriously, i know now she(stepmother) doesnt exist now, but i can picture her as a evil woman, trying to suck all the fortune from my family.
curse you evil woman ! go and get another man !
or maybe dad have a woman already?and he's not telling neither me nor my sis?
i cant shake off the thought of that.
daddy hiding a woman outside, grandma once said it .
saying that dad really having a woman, but i scolded her immediately, saying that was absurd.
what? i know scolding the eldest one is wrong.
but when someone told you that your dad having a china woman secretly , do you like it?
hardly a yes right?
i will worry more when i went to australia. There wont be anyone checking on him , my grandma dont talk much to him , so does daddy. he could keep on drinking till he get seriously drunk , and hangover for the next day.
back to the main question, if dad abruptly introduce a woman who is going to be my future stepmother , what would i answer? yes for his sake of happiness and someone able to watch him ?
no for anti-replacement of mummy's place?
or i just thinking funny things which will not happen ?
this one and only question , is dad going to remarried with other woman?
well you see he is now ...considered as widower.
he may marry another woman ,depends on his desire .
i dont know why , but i think i will hate her if one day i am going to have a stepmother.
usually in movies stepmother is evil , and just want money or fame.
i asked my sisters whether they can accept another woman becoming our mother.
they say as long as dad is happy , then it is okay.
of course, i surely wont call her "mummy". might as well calling her real name or adding "aunt" at her name.
i really cant accept the fact of the replacement on mummy's place.
its ridiculous !
seriously, i know now she(stepmother) doesnt exist now, but i can picture her as a evil woman, trying to suck all the fortune from my family.
curse you evil woman ! go and get another man !
or maybe dad have a woman already?and he's not telling neither me nor my sis?
i cant shake off the thought of that.
daddy hiding a woman outside, grandma once said it .
saying that dad really having a woman, but i scolded her immediately, saying that was absurd.
what? i know scolding the eldest one is wrong.
but when someone told you that your dad having a china woman secretly , do you like it?
hardly a yes right?
i will worry more when i went to australia. There wont be anyone checking on him , my grandma dont talk much to him , so does daddy. he could keep on drinking till he get seriously drunk , and hangover for the next day.
back to the main question, if dad abruptly introduce a woman who is going to be my future stepmother , what would i answer? yes for his sake of happiness and someone able to watch him ?
no for anti-replacement of mummy's place?
or i just thinking funny things which will not happen ?
Sunday, January 13, 2013
你的真心在哪里
呵呵呵呵
太久没有跟你聊天了。
怎么啦？难道终于有空位给我了吗？
对我说对不起，还是真好听。
当然，我不是冷血动物。
我一定会原谅的。
但是， 我们之间是注定结束了。
你骗我。
你骗了我的感情。
我可是没有那种耐性，你骗了又骗。我终于看得出你的真面目。
太可笑了！！！！
你说你想我，爱我。
为何这些事情发生呢？！
你跟我说，这，难道不是骗吗？?
我真的无法跟你走下去，这一段感情，我丢了，毁了。
现在才来求原谅？
太迟了
我们，结束了。
去找你的朋友吧。你，其实不需要我。
当你需要我，就是你寂寞的时候。
再见了。
太久没有跟你聊天了。
怎么啦？难道终于有空位给我了吗？
对我说对不起，还是真好听。
当然，我不是冷血动物。
我一定会原谅的。
但是， 我们之间是注定结束了。
你骗我。
你骗了我的感情。
我可是没有那种耐性，你骗了又骗。我终于看得出你的真面目。
太可笑了！！！！
你说你想我，爱我。
为何这些事情发生呢？！
你跟我说，这，难道不是骗吗？?
我真的无法跟你走下去，这一段感情，我丢了，毁了。
现在才来求原谅？
太迟了
我们，结束了。
去找你的朋友吧。你，其实不需要我。
当你需要我，就是你寂寞的时候。
再见了。
Sunday, December 30, 2012
30 December 2012 | 7:55pm
woke up in the morning and had breakfast with beloved daddy and sister.
when im inside the car with daddy , i dont know why , theres always a silence between us , there werent a fight going on , it just , a total silence , a wide gap between him and I ?
went to yew lee and ate keow toeh soup , yum yum .
afternoon,
i dont know why , theres something wrong between him and i .
well now this is a different him , he was so called " my lover " ( thats what we called him between my sisters instead of just saying out his name ). this few days, we just , gone speechless , is it just me or does he even realize theres something fishy?
one day, i went out tesco with my sister , i tried to tell her the problem , hoping for a resolution from her.but something just hit me , is it that im just too serious on him?
you know , i am the mood-will-just-drop-suddenly-and-mean type of girl.
and he is just an ordinary-and-simple-minded type of boy.
are we even meant to be together or not?
i think i just get too serious on him , he is cheerful and happy all along , and i just freak out and get myself a bad day.
he was not to be blamed, it was me all along.
sometimes i just couldnt tolerate a simple thing.
why is this happening on me?
it isnt like i was on pms ~!
urgh, seriously , i need to change my temper!
but him , i dont know.
is this relationship right?
i know at the beginning, but somehow now i'm kinda lost what i am after at.
he is fine, caring , and cheerful .
no worries in his life.
but me? i freak out alot , i can be happy at the first second , and moody or grumpy at the next minute.
is this even normal?
after i threw my temper on him , i regretted immediately.
but sometimes i even feel that this is a right thing to do , seriously , imma a crazy girl.
even if i threw my temper on him , he still smiles and wait for me .
i dont want to treat him like that anymore,
is there any resolution?
sigh
when im inside the car with daddy , i dont know why , theres always a silence between us , there werent a fight going on , it just , a total silence , a wide gap between him and I ?
went to yew lee and ate keow toeh soup , yum yum .
afternoon,
i dont know why , theres something wrong between him and i .
well now this is a different him , he was so called " my lover " ( thats what we called him between my sisters instead of just saying out his name ). this few days, we just , gone speechless , is it just me or does he even realize theres something fishy?
one day, i went out tesco with my sister , i tried to tell her the problem , hoping for a resolution from her.but something just hit me , is it that im just too serious on him?
you know , i am the mood-will-just-drop-suddenly-and-mean type of girl.
and he is just an ordinary-and-simple-minded type of boy.
are we even meant to be together or not?
i think i just get too serious on him , he is cheerful and happy all along , and i just freak out and get myself a bad day.
he was not to be blamed, it was me all along.
sometimes i just couldnt tolerate a simple thing.
why is this happening on me?
it isnt like i was on pms ~!
urgh, seriously , i need to change my temper!
but him , i dont know.
is this relationship right?
i know at the beginning, but somehow now i'm kinda lost what i am after at.
he is fine, caring , and cheerful .
no worries in his life.
but me? i freak out alot , i can be happy at the first second , and moody or grumpy at the next minute.
is this even normal?
after i threw my temper on him , i regretted immediately.
but sometimes i even feel that this is a right thing to do , seriously , imma a crazy girl.
even if i threw my temper on him , he still smiles and wait for me .
i dont want to treat him like that anymore,
is there any resolution?
sigh
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