YES
I AM A SADIST
I LOVE TO WATCH YOU PEOPLE TO SUFFER
TO SUFFOCATE
TO SURRENDER WITHOUT ANY STRENGTH LEFT
TO CRY OUT WITH YOUR EXTREME AGONY
YES
I LOVE IT.
WATCHING YOU DETERIORATING
WATCHING YOU PERISHING
IS INDEED LOVELY THING TO WATCH
ALL I DO,
IS JUST LAUGH
WITH HAPPINESS.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
determination ?
do i still have the chance
i want to be the best
i want to win everyone
i want to surpass everyone
of course,
you need to do it , only you can be it
what the hell
im so lazy
im sick of my grades
i want it to be 80 and above , not 70
its not enough.
i must do it
damn you angel,
stop talking bullshit and start acting
you still have time
it just depends how you spend your time
please angel
focus
i want to be the best
i want to win everyone
i want to surpass everyone
of course,
you need to do it , only you can be it
what the hell
im so lazy
im sick of my grades
i want it to be 80 and above , not 70
its not enough.
i must do it
damn you angel,
stop talking bullshit and start acting
you still have time
it just depends how you spend your time
please angel
focus
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
My motivator, my love
Ever since i came to Australia, its been seriously busy throughout the day. Mini test coming every week, then exams, works, assignment etc...
Time fled from may to july.
Now its 17th of July, damn, am i sitting in a time travelling machine or what ?
its july, then it will be september, then december.
Another year without Her, but i always know that she lives within my soul.
I envy my sisters that they have the chance to chat with her about college or university life.
Everytime i came home from college, i wont stop talking. I talk about my day in college, which jerk i bumped into, what teacher taught...etc.
It makes me feel better, telling my sister how is my day.
I like it.
Every time webcam chat with my grandma , shes so adorable, and buddy too. when she laughed, my sisters and I felt so happy too.
I wonder, or should i say surely dad's drinking skill is "improving".
I dont understand, is getting drunk and having a hangover the next day is fun?
You can drink , but can you dont get drunk?
sigh.
but i know that he changed a lot, ever since she fell ill.I can see the concern in his eyes.
but the most weirdest thing happen is that....during the last day of funeral, i suspected his tears, his sincerity, his agony.
Why? will she be replaced very soon?
i felt that because before she fell ill, both of my parents always argue and you can say that they almost filed a divorce. But still my mom wont do it, because she knows that it will affect her children badly.
When im down, i will hold tight her necklace, and pray that she will always watch over me, helping me fight against the odd.
To say that i escalated a lot, but, i always fear the day of my wedding, how much i wish she will be crying and watching me walking along the isle, praised me for marrying the right man, hugs and kisses ...
But those thing can poof off now. its not gonna happen.
She's gone. she's not here anymore.
she became my imagination.
she became my daily motivator.
its been 2 years + , i can do it.
I will always remember the promise with her in the car. I will make you proud .
Time fled from may to july.
Now its 17th of July, damn, am i sitting in a time travelling machine or what ?
its july, then it will be september, then december.
Another year without Her, but i always know that she lives within my soul.
I envy my sisters that they have the chance to chat with her about college or university life.
Everytime i came home from college, i wont stop talking. I talk about my day in college, which jerk i bumped into, what teacher taught...etc.
It makes me feel better, telling my sister how is my day.
I like it.
Every time webcam chat with my grandma , shes so adorable, and buddy too. when she laughed, my sisters and I felt so happy too.
I wonder, or should i say surely dad's drinking skill is "improving".
I dont understand, is getting drunk and having a hangover the next day is fun?
You can drink , but can you dont get drunk?
sigh.
but i know that he changed a lot, ever since she fell ill.I can see the concern in his eyes.
but the most weirdest thing happen is that....during the last day of funeral, i suspected his tears, his sincerity, his agony.
Why? will she be replaced very soon?
i felt that because before she fell ill, both of my parents always argue and you can say that they almost filed a divorce. But still my mom wont do it, because she knows that it will affect her children badly.
When im down, i will hold tight her necklace, and pray that she will always watch over me, helping me fight against the odd.
To say that i escalated a lot, but, i always fear the day of my wedding, how much i wish she will be crying and watching me walking along the isle, praised me for marrying the right man, hugs and kisses ...
But those thing can poof off now. its not gonna happen.
She's gone. she's not here anymore.
she became my imagination.
she became my daily motivator.
its been 2 years + , i can do it.
I will always remember the promise with her in the car. I will make you proud .
Friday, April 12, 2013
7 days before impact.
7 days until the doomsday....
alright im just kidding , ain't going to die !
but yet , its the new chapter of my life.
new environment ,surroundings, people and etc.
i was fine all along,until today, when i look back those photos in my smart phone photo album .
my pet dog , buddy,
damn, im so going to miss him !
he had this skin disease ( might due to his hyperactive at outdoor ) which always comes back and gives me a headache!
grandma. my grandma is going to be alone, not really alone , but .... she needs companion.she needs people to hear her thoughts , complaints , duh , the maid and etc.
after i leave , i might hardly get to see her , dont blame me for thinking things negatively , life is out of predictions , we never know what happen next.......im going to miss her too, very , very much.
i will not caught her climbing up and down doing stuff that she shouldnt do ...
i will not able to see her dozing off when she was watching her hokkien dramas.
i will not able to hear her silly stories .
she was always there for me , before and after my mum left.
luckily , before my mother left, she gave me a ability , to be more mature.
i get to know how loving my grandma is , although she is grumpy and careless a lil ,( and annoying .. hehe) but , she loves me and my sisters very much !
2nd person to thank is, my mother's sister in law , my aunt!
she loves and cares me alot....after my mother passed away, she had to take care of us , and makes dinner /lunch for us.
cooking dinner is a very big,big stress!!!!
when you are a mother and you have to cook for your family , may god bless you!
i never know cooking can be so stressful , and especially you got a choosy family member.
you have to think what to cook , what not to cook...etc...
i really hope the "thing" is real....so i dont have to leave them.....
i can watch over my grandmother ..my dad...and my pup !
i cant let go ..... but my mother's friend told me..: this is life.
yes, this is life, but not i wanted. i want everyone to be happy and safe.
how can i make sure that when i am so far away from them?
my grandmother makes me worried nowadays..
i realised that she started to be forgetful...and weak....
she definitely needs someone!
please mother , if you saw this, make miracle happens...grandma's age now is meant for enjoying, not suffering...
i cant help it...
i cant leave my family ...
why do i have to go so far?
why all of this have to happen?
seriously , why , why mummy had to go first?
after she left, everything was a mess.
and peaceful....not happy , but sadness everywhere....
all i can do now..is appreciate them...before i go ..
i love you, every single of you . god, please watch over my father , my grandmother , and my relatives.
is these all your challenge? just put it on me , but not them.
especially my grandma...
she cant take it.....
alright im just kidding , ain't going to die !
but yet , its the new chapter of my life.
new environment ,surroundings, people and etc.
i was fine all along,until today, when i look back those photos in my smart phone photo album .
my pet dog , buddy,
damn, im so going to miss him !
he had this skin disease ( might due to his hyperactive at outdoor ) which always comes back and gives me a headache!
grandma. my grandma is going to be alone, not really alone , but .... she needs companion.she needs people to hear her thoughts , complaints , duh , the maid and etc.
after i leave , i might hardly get to see her , dont blame me for thinking things negatively , life is out of predictions , we never know what happen next.......im going to miss her too, very , very much.
i will not caught her climbing up and down doing stuff that she shouldnt do ...
i will not able to see her dozing off when she was watching her hokkien dramas.
i will not able to hear her silly stories .
she was always there for me , before and after my mum left.
luckily , before my mother left, she gave me a ability , to be more mature.
i get to know how loving my grandma is , although she is grumpy and careless a lil ,( and annoying .. hehe) but , she loves me and my sisters very much !
2nd person to thank is, my mother's sister in law , my aunt!
she loves and cares me alot....after my mother passed away, she had to take care of us , and makes dinner /lunch for us.
cooking dinner is a very big,big stress!!!!
when you are a mother and you have to cook for your family , may god bless you!
i never know cooking can be so stressful , and especially you got a choosy family member.
you have to think what to cook , what not to cook...etc...
i really hope the "thing" is real....so i dont have to leave them.....
i can watch over my grandmother ..my dad...and my pup !
i cant let go ..... but my mother's friend told me..: this is life.
yes, this is life, but not i wanted. i want everyone to be happy and safe.
how can i make sure that when i am so far away from them?
my grandmother makes me worried nowadays..
i realised that she started to be forgetful...and weak....
she definitely needs someone!
please mother , if you saw this, make miracle happens...grandma's age now is meant for enjoying, not suffering...
i cant help it...
i cant leave my family ...
why do i have to go so far?
why all of this have to happen?
seriously , why , why mummy had to go first?
after she left, everything was a mess.
and peaceful....not happy , but sadness everywhere....
all i can do now..is appreciate them...before i go ..
i love you, every single of you . god, please watch over my father , my grandmother , and my relatives.
is these all your challenge? just put it on me , but not them.
especially my grandma...
she cant take it.....
Friday, January 18, 2013
paranoid much?
i been thinking a lot lately.
this one and only question , is dad going to remarried with other woman?
well you see he is now ...considered as widower.
he may marry another woman ,depends on his desire .
i dont know why , but i think i will hate her if one day i am going to have a stepmother.
usually in movies stepmother is evil , and just want money or fame.
i asked my sisters whether they can accept another woman becoming our mother.
they say as long as dad is happy , then it is okay.
of course, i surely wont call her "mummy". might as well calling her real name or adding "aunt" at her name.
i really cant accept the fact of the replacement on mummy's place.
its ridiculous !
seriously, i know now she(stepmother) doesnt exist now, but i can picture her as a evil woman, trying to suck all the fortune from my family.
curse you evil woman ! go and get another man !
or maybe dad have a woman already?and he's not telling neither me nor my sis?
i cant shake off the thought of that.
daddy hiding a woman outside, grandma once said it .
saying that dad really having a woman, but i scolded her immediately, saying that was absurd.
what? i know scolding the eldest one is wrong.
but when someone told you that your dad having a china woman secretly , do you like it?
hardly a yes right?
i will worry more when i went to australia. There wont be anyone checking on him , my grandma dont talk much to him , so does daddy. he could keep on drinking till he get seriously drunk , and hangover for the next day.
back to the main question, if dad abruptly introduce a woman who is going to be my future stepmother , what would i answer? yes for his sake of happiness and someone able to watch him ?
no for anti-replacement of mummy's place?
or i just thinking funny things which will not happen ?
this one and only question , is dad going to remarried with other woman?
well you see he is now ...considered as widower.
he may marry another woman ,depends on his desire .
i dont know why , but i think i will hate her if one day i am going to have a stepmother.
usually in movies stepmother is evil , and just want money or fame.
i asked my sisters whether they can accept another woman becoming our mother.
they say as long as dad is happy , then it is okay.
of course, i surely wont call her "mummy". might as well calling her real name or adding "aunt" at her name.
i really cant accept the fact of the replacement on mummy's place.
its ridiculous !
seriously, i know now she(stepmother) doesnt exist now, but i can picture her as a evil woman, trying to suck all the fortune from my family.
curse you evil woman ! go and get another man !
or maybe dad have a woman already?and he's not telling neither me nor my sis?
i cant shake off the thought of that.
daddy hiding a woman outside, grandma once said it .
saying that dad really having a woman, but i scolded her immediately, saying that was absurd.
what? i know scolding the eldest one is wrong.
but when someone told you that your dad having a china woman secretly , do you like it?
hardly a yes right?
i will worry more when i went to australia. There wont be anyone checking on him , my grandma dont talk much to him , so does daddy. he could keep on drinking till he get seriously drunk , and hangover for the next day.
back to the main question, if dad abruptly introduce a woman who is going to be my future stepmother , what would i answer? yes for his sake of happiness and someone able to watch him ?
no for anti-replacement of mummy's place?
or i just thinking funny things which will not happen ?
Sunday, January 13, 2013
你的真心在哪里
呵呵呵呵
太久没有跟你聊天了。
怎么啦？难道终于有空位给我了吗？
对我说对不起，还是真好听。
当然，我不是冷血动物。
我一定会原谅的。
但是， 我们之间是注定结束了。
你骗我。
你骗了我的感情。
我可是没有那种耐性，你骗了又骗。我终于看得出你的真面目。
太可笑了！！！！
你说你想我，爱我。
为何这些事情发生呢？！
你跟我说，这，难道不是骗吗？?
我真的无法跟你走下去，这一段感情，我丢了，毁了。
现在才来求原谅？
太迟了
我们，结束了。
去找你的朋友吧。你，其实不需要我。
当你需要我，就是你寂寞的时候。
再见了。
太久没有跟你聊天了。
怎么啦？难道终于有空位给我了吗？
对我说对不起，还是真好听。
当然，我不是冷血动物。
我一定会原谅的。
但是， 我们之间是注定结束了。
你骗我。
你骗了我的感情。
我可是没有那种耐性，你骗了又骗。我终于看得出你的真面目。
太可笑了！！！！
你说你想我，爱我。
为何这些事情发生呢？！
你跟我说，这，难道不是骗吗？?
我真的无法跟你走下去，这一段感情，我丢了，毁了。
现在才来求原谅？
太迟了
我们，结束了。
去找你的朋友吧。你，其实不需要我。
当你需要我，就是你寂寞的时候。
再见了。
Sunday, December 30, 2012
30 December 2012 | 7:55pm
woke up in the morning and had breakfast with beloved daddy and sister.
when im inside the car with daddy , i dont know why , theres always a silence between us , there werent a fight going on , it just , a total silence , a wide gap between him and I ?
went to yew lee and ate keow toeh soup , yum yum .
afternoon,
i dont know why , theres something wrong between him and i .
well now this is a different him , he was so called " my lover " ( thats what we called him between my sisters instead of just saying out his name ). this few days, we just , gone speechless , is it just me or does he even realize theres something fishy?
one day, i went out tesco with my sister , i tried to tell her the problem , hoping for a resolution from her.but something just hit me , is it that im just too serious on him?
you know , i am the mood-will-just-drop-suddenly-and-mean type of girl.
and he is just an ordinary-and-simple-minded type of boy.
are we even meant to be together or not?
i think i just get too serious on him , he is cheerful and happy all along , and i just freak out and get myself a bad day.
he was not to be blamed, it was me all along.
sometimes i just couldnt tolerate a simple thing.
why is this happening on me?
it isnt like i was on pms ~!
urgh, seriously , i need to change my temper!
but him , i dont know.
is this relationship right?
i know at the beginning, but somehow now i'm kinda lost what i am after at.
he is fine, caring , and cheerful .
no worries in his life.
but me? i freak out alot , i can be happy at the first second , and moody or grumpy at the next minute.
is this even normal?
after i threw my temper on him , i regretted immediately.
but sometimes i even feel that this is a right thing to do , seriously , imma a crazy girl.
even if i threw my temper on him , he still smiles and wait for me .
i dont want to treat him like that anymore,
is there any resolution?
sigh
when im inside the car with daddy , i dont know why , theres always a silence between us , there werent a fight going on , it just , a total silence , a wide gap between him and I ?
went to yew lee and ate keow toeh soup , yum yum .
afternoon,
i dont know why , theres something wrong between him and i .
well now this is a different him , he was so called " my lover " ( thats what we called him between my sisters instead of just saying out his name ). this few days, we just , gone speechless , is it just me or does he even realize theres something fishy?
one day, i went out tesco with my sister , i tried to tell her the problem , hoping for a resolution from her.but something just hit me , is it that im just too serious on him?
you know , i am the mood-will-just-drop-suddenly-and-mean type of girl.
and he is just an ordinary-and-simple-minded type of boy.
are we even meant to be together or not?
i think i just get too serious on him , he is cheerful and happy all along , and i just freak out and get myself a bad day.
he was not to be blamed, it was me all along.
sometimes i just couldnt tolerate a simple thing.
why is this happening on me?
it isnt like i was on pms ~!
urgh, seriously , i need to change my temper!
but him , i dont know.
is this relationship right?
i know at the beginning, but somehow now i'm kinda lost what i am after at.
he is fine, caring , and cheerful .
no worries in his life.
but me? i freak out alot , i can be happy at the first second , and moody or grumpy at the next minute.
is this even normal?
after i threw my temper on him , i regretted immediately.
but sometimes i even feel that this is a right thing to do , seriously , imma a crazy girl.
even if i threw my temper on him , he still smiles and wait for me .
i dont want to treat him like that anymore,
is there any resolution?
sigh
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
untitled part infinity
just back from family trip to hong kong and korea
its really nice !
the weather there is cold and cozy
the food was simply amazing...
now i know, i love meats!!! esp beef ! hahahahaahahahah!
hong kong , is shopping heaven.
but im so not a shopping typo
but i still enjoy alot .
too bad my elder sis couldnt join us.
only me dad and 2nd sister.
everything was perfect and nice.
when i went to disneyland.
i remembered about mom.
when i walk around.
i remember i was with mom, talking happily, so excited.
but now. 'theres no her anymore.
tears almost burst out.
but i held back.
i should be happy right? why would i sad?
i mean , i should be grateful.
mommy is now somewhere happy now..
without suffering any pain.
she might be beside us.
watching us having fun.
and smiling.
damn, i miss her beautiful smile.
its really nice !
the weather there is cold and cozy
the food was simply amazing...
now i know, i love meats!!! esp beef ! hahahahaahahahah!
hong kong , is shopping heaven.
but im so not a shopping typo
but i still enjoy alot .
too bad my elder sis couldnt join us.
only me dad and 2nd sister.
everything was perfect and nice.
when i went to disneyland.
i remembered about mom.
when i walk around.
i remember i was with mom, talking happily, so excited.
but now. 'theres no her anymore.
tears almost burst out.
but i held back.
i should be happy right? why would i sad?
i mean , i should be grateful.
mommy is now somewhere happy now..
without suffering any pain.
she might be beside us.
watching us having fun.
and smiling.
damn, i miss her beautiful smile.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
통증
yeah ,
i did very very very angry .
i did very upset .
i screamed.
goddammit, why is this so complicated?
tears.
so what ?
no pain no gain.
thanks for the memories.
ill cherish it.
haha .
kamsahamida ! x)
saranghae !
* have to burn something =.= never got a chance to give it... wuwu*
i did very very very angry .
i did very upset .
i screamed.
goddammit, why is this so complicated?
tears.
so what ?
no pain no gain.
thanks for the memories.
ill cherish it.
haha .
kamsahamida ! x)
saranghae !
* have to burn something =.= never got a chance to give it... wuwu*
SPM ended !
whee exam ended !
challenged of a part of life ,mission accomplished!
well it's just a part of life ,
there are more things to do , to face, to encounter, to try.
so next year is college life~
new stuffs to put in my mind
new people
new surrounding !
now after spm , my life is just like......a rubbish =.=
but im going holiday soon ^.^
oh my pity boy, gonna leave him ~ T_T
every day just face laptop , with sis , daydreaming...
chin gu? nah , i think i got neglected
ho ho ho
well im ready to take the blame
hahahahahhahahahahaha
not the first time ! oh well, this is life.
people come and go!
they just go , well, let them be, maybe im not that important.
just sit down.
smile to them.
this is life right?
hehe ^^ go ba go ba.
i dont mind anymore.
i see it through now.
look at the bright side, you got your life.
i got mine?
maybe i take it too much, i should let it go slowly now...
do watch me disappear.
goodbyes ! annyeong !
challenged of a part of life ,mission accomplished!
well it's just a part of life ,
there are more things to do , to face, to encounter, to try.
so next year is college life~
new stuffs to put in my mind
new people
new surrounding !
now after spm , my life is just like......a rubbish =.=
but im going holiday soon ^.^
oh my pity boy, gonna leave him ~ T_T
every day just face laptop , with sis , daydreaming...
chin gu? nah , i think i got neglected
ho ho ho
well im ready to take the blame
hahahahahhahahahahaha
not the first time ! oh well, this is life.
people come and go!
they just go , well, let them be, maybe im not that important.
just sit down.
smile to them.
this is life right?
hehe ^^ go ba go ba.
i dont mind anymore.
i see it through now.
look at the bright side, you got your life.
i got mine?
maybe i take it too much, i should let it go slowly now...
do watch me disappear.
goodbyes ! annyeong !
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
tomotachi
what are friends for anyway?
when you need something then only you go get help from a friend.
in a optimistic thinking, we helped each other.
in a pessimistic thinking, we used each other.
should i believe hate optimistic or the pessimistic?
everyone needed space.
everyone needed time.
Time soon fades off.
friendship followed.
maybe i take it too much.
maybe you guys dont even give a damn about it.
like seriously,
i cried.
dont get that thinking like "ohh so you cried , so you're the innocent one?"
well , i wasnt trying to get sympathy from people
it just that , do i think too much?
friends...
when you need something then only you go get help from a friend.
in a optimistic thinking, we helped each other.
in a pessimistic thinking, we used each other.
should i believe hate optimistic or the pessimistic?
everyone needed space.
everyone needed time.
Time soon fades off.
friendship followed.
maybe i take it too much.
maybe you guys dont even give a damn about it.
like seriously,
i cried.
dont get that thinking like "ohh so you cried , so you're the innocent one?"
well , i wasnt trying to get sympathy from people
it just that , do i think too much?
friends...
Monday, October 29, 2012
Unfold the Pandora's box
Take it slow.
In our souls, we were implanted with Pandora's box.
it lived within us, forever.
When we opened it, there was no turning back.
It didnt accept objections.
Close your eyes.
spoke to yourself.
Follow the flow of the rhythm,
let it take you to the other dimension.
Open your eyes.
Seeing things that you shouldnt.
Gaze at your long lost happiness.
Try to grap it.
it vanished into ashes.
Turn around.
You're standing alone on a street.
nobody was there.
Look up.
Snow flakes started to fall.
you took out your palm.
snow melted onto your palm
A Sudden chill penetrated your body.
Look down.
you're back where you were again.
In our souls, we were implanted with Pandora's box.
it lived within us, forever.
When we opened it, there was no turning back.
It didnt accept objections.
Close your eyes.
spoke to yourself.
Follow the flow of the rhythm,
let it take you to the other dimension.
Open your eyes.
Seeing things that you shouldnt.
Gaze at your long lost happiness.
Try to grap it.
it vanished into ashes.
Turn around.
You're standing alone on a street.
nobody was there.
Look up.
Snow flakes started to fall.
you took out your palm.
snow melted onto your palm
A Sudden chill penetrated your body.
Look down.
you're back where you were again.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Hugs
hugs.
definitely need hugs.
that overwhelming feeling.
takes over my agony.
it drifts off my pain.
and replace it with love.
one day, im gonna drive to somewhere alone.
gazing at the peaceful scenery alone.
and cry alone.
boy , im sorry.
i cant give you my love.
because im not available anymore.
you are my friend.
you cares me alot, whenever im down, you are there for me.
I seriously owe you alot.
but i couldnt pay back.
Sorry, i couldnt love you back.
i only love you as a best friend.
but your love surpass the limit.
which is my mistake, because of me, you fell in love with me.
i didnt think much..
if is that possible, one day, im going to give you a hug.
a long hug.
so that i can take away your pain.
seeing you suffering because of me, it doesnt worth it at all.
all your suffers dont worth it.
boy, im really sorry.
let me hug you, and take away your agonies.
definitely need hugs.
that overwhelming feeling.
takes over my agony.
it drifts off my pain.
and replace it with love.
one day, im gonna drive to somewhere alone.
gazing at the peaceful scenery alone.
and cry alone.
boy , im sorry.
i cant give you my love.
because im not available anymore.
you are my friend.
you cares me alot, whenever im down, you are there for me.
I seriously owe you alot.
but i couldnt pay back.
Sorry, i couldnt love you back.
i only love you as a best friend.
but your love surpass the limit.
which is my mistake, because of me, you fell in love with me.
i didnt think much..
if is that possible, one day, im going to give you a hug.
a long hug.
so that i can take away your pain.
seeing you suffering because of me, it doesnt worth it at all.
all your suffers dont worth it.
boy, im really sorry.
let me hug you, and take away your agonies.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
命
现在的我
只能走一步，算一步。
再也不敢放希望太大，太高。
自从失去了妈妈，
本来对未来期望很高的我，慢慢地，往下看，再也没把头抬起来，等待着未来。
未来先生，我告退了。
我的速度慢慢地减少。
这一切，都是一个东西纠缠着我们。
那个就是，命。
命运可以把我们的梦想毁灭。
难道，这一切都和古代一样吗？
皇上可以赐你活和死。
奴才或平民们都认为这一切都是命运。
现在，命运就是我们的命。
我们只能被它操纵，控制。
就算你有多么疯狂的梦想，成就，事业，幸福。
这一切，都是短暂的。
有什么东西是永远的？
本来我们一出生在这个世界，就是等着被控制。
有多么高的欲望，梦想。
自然的。
我们都等待·着收拾它们的尸体。
有时候，
我有想过，妈妈离开了人间，是世界上最幸福的事。
我羡慕了，嫉妒了。
她不用再这世界上争扎。
就算达到了目标，到最后，都要认命。
只能走一步，算一步。
再也不敢放希望太大，太高。
自从失去了妈妈，
本来对未来期望很高的我，慢慢地，往下看，再也没把头抬起来，等待着未来。
未来先生，我告退了。
我的速度慢慢地减少。
这一切，都是一个东西纠缠着我们。
那个就是，命。
命运可以把我们的梦想毁灭。
难道，这一切都和古代一样吗？
皇上可以赐你活和死。
奴才或平民们都认为这一切都是命运。
现在，命运就是我们的命。
我们只能被它操纵，控制。
就算你有多么疯狂的梦想，成就，事业，幸福。
这一切，都是短暂的。
有什么东西是永远的？
本来我们一出生在这个世界，就是等着被控制。
有多么高的欲望，梦想。
自然的。
我们都等待·着收拾它们的尸体。
有时候，
我有想过，妈妈离开了人间，是世界上最幸福的事。
我羡慕了，嫉妒了。
她不用再这世界上争扎。
就算达到了目标，到最后，都要认命。
Friday, September 21, 2012
untitled .
Sometimes i miss him badly.
well, should i say i always miss him?
the feelings sucks when we are separated , by different school.
one at klian pauh , one at hua lian.
x( i miss you and need you !!!!
baka y.j ! , muacks sarangheo xP
SPM trial just over.
my result...uhm can i say good??
here are my results :p
add maths 77
moral 83
physics dunno yet T-T hope its a B or at least an A-?
english 79 ( ONE MORE !)
bm - 63
sejarah 75
bc- 64
mm - 91
chemistry 75
biology 55
ahhhh my biology kills me . head.shot......
gotta push my biology real hard. i dont want a C in my SPM result
but actually i quite satisfy with my result because everything i did it in last minute and i can such result....
heheheheheheeheh im a one lucky girl!
bc...no hope..i asked for a B . thats all i want ...heheheh\
and bm !!! A?? how can i get an A when i never get one!
T_T
but my forecast result are more important than my spm result because i use my forecast result to apply my january intake...............
speaking of jan intake....
im going to austrailia next year!!!
50% happy because i can be with my sister
50% not happy because im going to leave him .... oh my beloved ones.~
can i really bear the times without him? although now we dont really see each other except he asked me out or tuition .
distance? can it really be ignored? can our relationship last long even we are far apart from each other?
i want him.
im gonna hold tight this relationship i had now.
i am not going to let him go.
because ....he is a unique and cute and stupid boy that i love <3 p="p">
i love you bendan :3
well, should i say i always miss him?
the feelings sucks when we are separated , by different school.
one at klian pauh , one at hua lian.
x( i miss you and need you !!!!
baka y.j ! , muacks sarangheo xP
SPM trial just over.
my result...uhm can i say good??
here are my results :p
add maths 77
moral 83
physics dunno yet T-T hope its a B or at least an A-?
english 79 ( ONE MORE !)
bm - 63
sejarah 75
bc- 64
mm - 91
chemistry 75
biology 55
ahhhh my biology kills me . head.shot......
gotta push my biology real hard. i dont want a C in my SPM result
but actually i quite satisfy with my result because everything i did it in last minute and i can such result....
heheheheheheeheh im a one lucky girl!
bc...no hope..i asked for a B . thats all i want ...heheheh\
and bm !!! A?? how can i get an A when i never get one!
T_T
but my forecast result are more important than my spm result because i use my forecast result to apply my january intake...............
speaking of jan intake....
im going to austrailia next year!!!
50% happy because i can be with my sister
50% not happy because im going to leave him .... oh my beloved ones.~
can i really bear the times without him? although now we dont really see each other except he asked me out or tuition .
distance? can it really be ignored? can our relationship last long even we are far apart from each other?
i want him.
im gonna hold tight this relationship i had now.
i am not going to let him go.
because ....he is a unique and cute and stupid boy that i love <3 p="p">
i love you bendan :3
Saturday, August 18, 2012
发 泄 .
不懂
我其实不懂,为什么有时候看到他
应该觉得开心的
你心爱的人呐,应该是很开心的吗
但是
不懂做么的,只好勉强微笑
不是故意要欺骗他.
只是不要他担心...
我那时很想,很想...
得到他的拥抱.
今天回家后,
很想搞失踪,做傻事.
但又做不出.
你们也会这样吗?
你们会不懂什么原因而崩溃,想要大哭一场.
有时候觉得很累.
其实
我都希望"她"可以带走我,带走我离开这个复杂的世界.
我不敢想或看未来,
每天看到老爸每晚都喝醉,婆婆因为她而哭,姐姐一直为钱烦恼所以一直打工.
每天睡觉
我都很想梦到我们一家人开开心心过日子
"她"还活着的日子...
那么快已经要一年了.
她已离开我们的日子.......
我很怕....我不懂我在怕什么....就觉得...没有安全感...
哎...
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
♥ saranghae
Oh boy,
you took my heart away.
You made my day.
You never fail to cheer me up.
I wish, i hope our relationship last long.
eventhough the chances is so low.
but im glad,
im glad that i know you =)
14/7/12
the 1st month ♥
OYJ ♥
you took my heart away.
You made my day.
You never fail to cheer me up.
I wish, i hope our relationship last long.
eventhough the chances is so low.
but im glad,
im glad that i know you =)
14/7/12
the 1st month ♥
OYJ ♥
Saturday, August 11, 2012
STUDIES .HECTIC.STRESS
issshh
gotta start study , gotta start study.
i told myself for like....billion times?
but i still cant focus.
ugh!!
its like two more weeks to trial and i haven ready a single subject!
gosh.
trial is really really important to me!
but i was like living my life and dont gave any damn for my life.
GOTTA START FOCUS, STUDY !!
gambateh angelina low ! hwaiting !!!
gotta start study , gotta start study.
i told myself for like....billion times?
but i still cant focus.
ugh!!
its like two more weeks to trial and i haven ready a single subject!
gosh.
trial is really really important to me!
but i was like living my life and dont gave any damn for my life.
GOTTA START FOCUS, STUDY !!
gambateh angelina low ! hwaiting !!!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Dream About you .
Woke up at 8 in the morning.
went breakie with my awesome daddy at Beelun.
went home
fell asleep
uhm...actually i had a weird dream
i was sitting next to my mum.
she was as adorable as always.
we were laughing in car
went for shopping...
then BAM, i woke up.
Flashback started to happen.
Last year.
whole month.
she fell ill.
lay on bed.
those moan , painful moan. faint voice..
man, this is a nightmare...
i miss you....mummy...
went breakie with my awesome daddy at Beelun.
went home
fell asleep
uhm...actually i had a weird dream
i was sitting next to my mum.
she was as adorable as always.
we were laughing in car
went for shopping...
then BAM, i woke up.
Flashback started to happen.
Last year.
whole month.
she fell ill.
lay on bed.
those moan , painful moan. faint voice..
man, this is a nightmare...
i miss you....mummy...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)