paranoid much?

i been thinking a lot lately.
this one and only question , is dad going to remarried with other woman?
well you see he is now ...considered as widower.
he may marry another woman ,depends on his desire .

i dont know why , but i think i will hate her if one day i am going to have a stepmother.
usually in movies stepmother is evil , and just want money or fame.

i asked my sisters whether they can accept another woman becoming our mother.
they say as long as dad is happy , then it is okay.

of course, i surely wont call her "mummy". might as well calling her real name or adding "aunt" at her name.
i really cant accept the fact of the replacement on mummy's place.
its ridiculous !
seriously, i know now she(stepmother) doesnt exist now, but i can picture her as a evil woman, trying to suck all the fortune from my family.
curse you evil woman ! go and get another man !

or maybe dad have a woman already?and he's not telling neither me nor my sis?
i cant shake off the thought of that.
daddy hiding a woman outside, grandma once said it .
saying that dad really having a woman, but i scolded her immediately, saying that was absurd.
what? i know scolding the eldest one is wrong.
but when someone told you that your dad having a china woman secretly , do you like it?
hardly a yes right?

i will worry more when i went to australia. There wont be anyone checking on him , my grandma dont talk much to him , so does daddy. he could keep on drinking till he get seriously drunk , and hangover for the next day.

back to the main question, if dad abruptly introduce a woman who is going to be my future stepmother , what would i answer? yes for his sake of happiness and someone able to watch him ?
 no for anti-replacement of mummy's place?

or i just thinking funny things which will not happen ?

你的真心在哪里

呵呵呵呵
太久没有跟你聊天了。
怎么啦？难道终于有空位给我了吗？
对我说对不起，还是真好听。

当然，我不是冷血动物。
我一定会原谅的。
但是， 我们之间是注定结束了。

你骗我。
你骗了我的感情。
我可是没有那种耐性，你骗了又骗。我终于看得出你的真面目。
太可笑了！！！！

你说你想我，爱我。
为何这些事情发生呢？！

你跟我说，这，难道不是骗吗？?

我真的无法跟你走下去，这一段感情，我丢了，毁了。
现在才来求原谅？
太迟了
我们，结束了。
去找你的朋友吧。你，其实不需要我。
当你需要我，就是你寂寞的时候。

再见了。

30 December 2012 | 7:55pm

woke up in the morning and had breakfast with beloved daddy and sister.
when im inside the car with daddy , i dont know why , theres always a silence between us , there werent a fight going on , it just , a total silence , a wide gap between him and I ?
went to yew lee and ate keow toeh soup , yum yum .

afternoon,
i dont know why , theres something wrong between him and i .
well now this is a different him , he was so called " my lover " ( thats what we called him between my sisters instead of just saying out his name ). this few days, we just , gone speechless , is it just me or does he even realize theres something fishy?
one day, i went out tesco with my sister , i tried to tell her the problem , hoping for a resolution from her.but something just hit me , is it that im just too serious on him?
you know , i am the mood-will-just-drop-suddenly-and-mean type of girl.
and he is just an ordinary-and-simple-minded type of boy.
are we even meant to be together or not?
i think i just get too serious on him , he is cheerful and happy all along , and i just freak out and get myself a bad day.
he was not to be blamed, it was me all along.
sometimes i just couldnt tolerate a simple thing.
why is this happening on me?
it isnt like i was on pms ~!
urgh, seriously , i need to change my temper!
but him , i dont know.
is this relationship right?
i know at the beginning, but somehow now i'm kinda lost what i am after at.
he is fine, caring  , and cheerful .
no worries in his life.
but me?  i freak out alot , i can  be happy at the first second , and moody or grumpy at the next minute.
is this even normal?
after i threw my temper on him , i regretted immediately.
but sometimes i even feel that this is a right thing to do , seriously , imma a crazy girl.

even if i threw my temper on him , he still smiles and wait for me .
i dont want to treat him like that anymore,
is there any resolution?
sigh

untitled part infinity

just back from family trip to hong kong and korea
its really nice !
the weather there is cold and cozy
the food was simply amazing...

now i know, i love meats!!! esp beef ! hahahahaahahahah!

hong kong , is shopping heaven.
but im so not a shopping typo
but i still enjoy alot .

too bad my elder sis couldnt join us.
only me dad and 2nd sister.
everything was perfect and nice.

when i went to disneyland.
i remembered about mom.
when i walk around.
i remember i was with mom, talking happily, so excited.
but now. 'theres no her anymore.
tears almost burst out.
but i held back.
i should be happy right? why would i sad?
i mean , i should be grateful.
mommy is now somewhere happy now..
without suffering any pain.
she might be beside us.
watching us having fun.
and smiling.




damn, i miss her beautiful smile.

통증

yeah ,
i did very very very angry  .
i did very upset .
i screamed.
goddammit, why is this so complicated?


tears.
so what ?
no pain no gain.
thanks for the memories.
ill cherish it.
haha .
kamsahamida ! x)
saranghae !

* have to burn something =.= never got a chance to give it... wuwu*

SPM ended !

whee exam ended !
challenged of a part of life ,mission accomplished!
well it's just a part of life ,
there are more things to do , to face, to encounter, to try.
so next year is college life~

new stuffs to put in my mind
new people
new surrounding !

now after spm , my life is just like......a rubbish =.=
but im going holiday soon ^.^
oh my pity boy, gonna leave him ~ T_T

every day just face laptop , with sis , daydreaming...
chin gu? nah , i think i got neglected
ho ho ho
well im ready to take the blame
hahahahahhahahahahaha
not the first time ! oh well, this is life.
people come and go!
they just go , well, let them be, maybe im not that important.
just sit down.
smile to them.
this is life right?
hehe ^^ go ba go ba.
i dont mind anymore.
i see it through now.
look at the bright side, you got your life.
i got mine?
maybe i take it too much, i should let it go slowly now...
do watch me disappear.
goodbyes ! annyeong !

tomotachi

what are friends for anyway?
when you need something then only you go get help from a friend.
in a optimistic thinking, we helped each other.
in a pessimistic thinking, we used each other.

should i believe hate optimistic or the pessimistic?

everyone needed space.
everyone needed time.
Time soon fades off.
friendship followed.

maybe i take it too much.
maybe you guys dont even give a damn about it.
like seriously,
i cried.
dont get that thinking like "ohh so you cried , so you're the innocent one?"
well , i wasnt trying to get sympathy from people

it just that , do i think too much?

friends...