well maybe i dont reallly expect anyone to notice my blog (afterall its been a long time i quit blogging) actually im lazy to write in my diary .lol. because writing is more tiring than typing you know !
hahs, this year...can i say i hate it or love it?
peoples waiting for my answer , peoples leaving ...
15.10.11
this date, made me hate saturday , 3.45am
last time i really loved saturday . but now , i dont.
this day took away my most beloved mother.
yesterday, i did cry.because i suddenly flashbacked. the moment, i stood outside the ICU ward of Taiping Medical Centre.inside there was kinda crowded , so i didnt step in, i just look through the glass. then i noticed something , the heartbeat metre ( well thats what i called it ). Somehow , is it because i didnt slept for almost 24 hours, the metre line... started to turn a curve into a straight line, a very straight line.
I saw grandma started to yell her name, everyone held her back,telling her to calm down.
everyone immediately dragged her out, so that she could be more calmed.
i just, remained at the same spot.
i could feel tears started to roll down from my cheeks.
i felt so hopeless.
theres nothing i can really do? to save her?
no..i cant.
i remembered that day is the buddha goddess birth day, is it Her took my mother a peaceful place?
Before the funeral started, i remember i looked at the clock, it was 4 am .
i held tightly my mothers hand. and now then i only realized that, her hands , were so soft.
6~7am
i held her hands again, but this time, her hands were already harden.
after the 3 days funeral , we went to soon lee restaurant and ate.
all aunties and uncles , and also my sis , were nice to me.
kept on taking veges and meat for me.
as i looked into my plate, i started to cry again.
i was thinking , " is mummy going to eat this delicious food at There? "
hah.. now i felt my mind is totally blank. well, to be continued.
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