I thought i am the always one making everything right.
i thought is isn't me making up the problem.
now i seriously realise, the problem person, is ME.
I didn't understand why i reacted like this, I use mean words, that might cut your heart.
the Guiltiness.... wandering in my heart, how, how can i let it go?
which is the best way to solve it?
I'm sorry, i hate myself too.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
what am I?
I didn't want to talk about that night. it's so crazy. so much pain .
why.
after that day. I acting pretty weird. okay try to understand please,doesn't mean I'm acting, i just, react, automatically. that's weird, for me too.
It's so stupid.
He says'
yOU'RE so weird,totally different, who are you?
I've been asking this myself, is it because of period?lol.
My weird-ness, making him pissed off.
I laugh for no reason, no mood for no reason.
okay. I wanna talk about something yesterday.
nevermind. IT IS ALL JUST WORDS.
i comfort myself,
^_^ nvm it's all just words. didn't mean anything...
ouch..
my chest... hurts..
why.
after that day. I acting pretty weird. okay try to understand please,doesn't mean I'm acting, i just, react, automatically. that's weird, for me too.
It's so stupid.
He says'
yOU'RE so weird,totally different, who are you?
I've been asking this myself, is it because of period?lol.
My weird-ness, making him pissed off.
I laugh for no reason, no mood for no reason.
okay. I wanna talk about something yesterday.
nevermind. IT IS ALL JUST WORDS.
i comfort myself,
^_^ nvm it's all just words. didn't mean anything...
ouch..
my chest... hurts..
Thursday, October 21, 2010
20.10.2010
20.10.2010
sucha meaningful day uh? yeah, it's meaningful to me, very much.
The arguements___
Leads to breakups.
Reason:The past.
which is said " lame reason." by him.
why is it " lame"?
He still said that;why wouldn't you forget about it?why?no one will support you with that lame reason;this is not enough evidence for breaking up.."
In my freaking mind, i just wanted to say , " fuck you, you bloody hell jerk,I TOLD YOU ALREADY,FOR THE FREAKING MANY TIMES, I TRIED ALRIGHT?! I TRIED THE FUCKING HELL TO FORGET THIS FUCKING THING!! AND WHO SAYS I WANTED SUPPORT? ITS MY RIGHT TO SAY SOMETHING. ALRIGHT? SON OF A BITCH.fuck you."
but,this sentence didn't escaped from my mouth.I'm speechless, am I too afraid to speak out?I stayed motionless.
Why? what am i suppose to say now?
What I've tried to defend myself, is all WRONG.
Forget about it! what I've said, it;s all fucking wrong.
I have no rights to speak up for myself.
"You're not allowed to cry."..thats what he said.
My heart,throbbed painfully.
Not allowed to cry? so what am i suppose to do now? sit down and laugh out loud?
I can't take it any longer!
So i said,"okay ..time for bed, good nights :') "
After hunging up the phone,I yelled,I screamed inside of my heart.I pulled my hair to ease my pain.I screamed with all my strength.
Tear dropped endlessly.
After a short while, I stopped crying.
I felt that,im nothing.
I immediately walked upstairs, straight forward to my room.
Locked the door,switch off the lights.
I remain silent and motionless in the pitch black room.
I felt a sudden vibration nearby;it's my phone.
its him.
I shuddered as I picked up his call.
What mistake i'm gonna do again? please, angel, no more mistake please...
"Hello." I can't believe I managed to speak up.
"hey,I'm worried,come on call me back."
"okay."I hung up his call.
Suddenly, I screamed really, really loud,still worried that what if my parents did hear me screaming.
"Liars...LIARSSSSS"
I didn't understand why i screamed LIARS.it just, come out for no reason..
I let out a pitiful cry,out of my heart.
I walked to downstairs
Dialing his number ; 0 - 6 - 6 - * * * * *
His house numver;i'll never forget.
To-Be-Continued.
sucha meaningful day uh? yeah, it's meaningful to me, very much.
The arguements___
Leads to breakups.
Reason:The past.
which is said " lame reason." by him.
why is it " lame"?
He still said that;why wouldn't you forget about it?why?no one will support you with that lame reason;this is not enough evidence for breaking up.."
In my freaking mind, i just wanted to say , " fuck you, you bloody hell jerk,I TOLD YOU ALREADY,FOR THE FREAKING MANY TIMES, I TRIED ALRIGHT?! I TRIED THE FUCKING HELL TO FORGET THIS FUCKING THING!! AND WHO SAYS I WANTED SUPPORT? ITS MY RIGHT TO SAY SOMETHING. ALRIGHT? SON OF A BITCH.fuck you."
but,this sentence didn't escaped from my mouth.I'm speechless, am I too afraid to speak out?I stayed motionless.
Why? what am i suppose to say now?
What I've tried to defend myself, is all WRONG.
Forget about it! what I've said, it;s all fucking wrong.
I have no rights to speak up for myself.
"You're not allowed to cry."..thats what he said.
My heart,throbbed painfully.
Not allowed to cry? so what am i suppose to do now? sit down and laugh out loud?
I can't take it any longer!
So i said,"okay ..time for bed, good nights :') "
After hunging up the phone,I yelled,I screamed inside of my heart.I pulled my hair to ease my pain.I screamed with all my strength.
Tear dropped endlessly.
After a short while, I stopped crying.
I felt that,im nothing.
I immediately walked upstairs, straight forward to my room.
Locked the door,switch off the lights.
I remain silent and motionless in the pitch black room.
I felt a sudden vibration nearby;it's my phone.
its him.
I shuddered as I picked up his call.
What mistake i'm gonna do again? please, angel, no more mistake please...
"Hello." I can't believe I managed to speak up.
"hey,I'm worried,come on call me back."
"okay."I hung up his call.
Suddenly, I screamed really, really loud,still worried that what if my parents did hear me screaming.
"Liars...LIARSSSSS"
I didn't understand why i screamed LIARS.it just, come out for no reason..
I let out a pitiful cry,out of my heart.
I walked to downstairs
Dialing his number ; 0 - 6 - 6 - * * * * *
His house numver;i'll never forget.
To-Be-Continued.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Hatred.
i hated my life.
peoples says : " you should be thankful because your house is wealthy.You can go overseas but other ppl can't . you can use your money to buy things that is deer to some other people."
No.
i dont feel so.
i hated my life.
its painful.
its crazy.
its meaningless.
who am i doing this for?
why should i have to do this crap?
supermotor so what. get lost.
i wanted to be a normal person.
i wanted to have a normal life.
i dont want you all expect something for me.
i dont give a damn about it.
I'm weak enough.
why. you are still insulting me?
why are you still hoping me to give u a smile?
Lifes. full of agonies.lies.hatred.irritations.
Leave out all the rest.
I dont want to live for somebody.
i wanted to live for myself.
only me.
not you,not them,not him.
peoples says : " you should be thankful because your house is wealthy.You can go overseas but other ppl can't . you can use your money to buy things that is deer to some other people."
No.
i dont feel so.
i hated my life.
its painful.
its crazy.
its meaningless.
who am i doing this for?
why should i have to do this crap?
supermotor so what. get lost.
i wanted to be a normal person.
i wanted to have a normal life.
i dont want you all expect something for me.
i dont give a damn about it.
I'm weak enough.
why. you are still insulting me?
why are you still hoping me to give u a smile?
Lifes. full of agonies.lies.hatred.irritations.
Leave out all the rest.
I dont want to live for somebody.
i wanted to live for myself.
only me.
not you,not them,not him.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
=(
-best frens-
yh+ me + ks
aaron+me+sky
elixe+me+soul
;O
im sad actually. i miss the old ones.. esp someone... i miss the times we joke , prank and others.
hahahas..why...~!
-------
MUM DONT LET ME BUY contact lens!!! T_T
yh+ me + ks
aaron+me+sky
elixe+me+soul
;O
im sad actually. i miss the old ones.. esp someone... i miss the times we joke , prank and others.
hahahas..why...~!
-------
MUM DONT LET ME BUY contact lens!!! T_T
Saturday, July 10, 2010
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