Listener.

sometimes i just need people who understands me, to listen to me.

its hard to find the right person, i know there are alot of people i can count on , but , sometimes they dont just understand, doesnt mean i underestimate them, i feel that, they are not the ones.

many things lingering in my mind, sometimes i feel like i gonna burst anytime, but when i wanna to tell out my pains , it , somehow disappears ,

dear friends , whenever you guys ever see this , please stop thinking that "oh she doesnt need me " whatsoever , please , i hate to see people being like this, its like a mistake i did, stop making me feel that everything i do , i feel is a mistake?

so thats why i say you guys dont really understand me, what i really feel about something, you think you knew , but actually , you dont.

Everything is just the same, tears came out before sleeps, last few days ago it happened, i dont understand, why?

i need a person, but i dont know who that person is ?

mama's birthday

O.O!

i saw it at my friend's mobile upload, i didnt knew he had such picture

i guess i was schooling that time ,and when i back she told me theres a cake

well i didnt taste it tho.

this year also is my last time to do cake for her , cheese cake !!

its my first time and the last time to do for her. :)

mummy <3

Part 2

gahhh now i remember!

i actually did inherited my mums soft hand ( hey not in a lanc tone ~)

my eldest sis told me , " hey your hands are as soft as mummy's ! "

i just smiled to her and said, " of course la ! who am i xD"

Everytime, when i was just sitting down, doing nothing, it made ma think about her , how is she balblablabla...

after she was gone, my house became so peaceful.

very peaceful.

then i thought , why do we need such a big house?( not really big la , just moderately?)

daddy says he planned to buy a penthouse after i go to aus for further studies.

now dad is so free, and get drunk alot.

usually when mummy is sick , he will take care of her, feed her .

now shes gone, he is free now , but lets imagine, you used to do something so frequently, now you dont have to do it anymore, how does that feel?

dad became so lonely, house became so silent....

when my mother get the 1st cancer- breast cancer, she told me , in the car, she told me to focus on studies, this is not the time for BOYS,but studies. She wanted us to make her proud, because she gave birth to 3 girls , well u know last time people thought girls were useless, when dad knew that the last baby (me) was a girl , hes kinda mad, thats why im the only one who doesnt had nicknames.

Mummy, i will do my best to make you proud .

i love you mummy, and misses you too.

After all many things happened on me.

hello bloggie

well maybe i dont reallly expect anyone to notice my blog (afterall its been a long time i quit blogging) actually im lazy to write in my diary .lol. because writing is more tiring than typing you know !

hahs, this year...can i say i hate it or love it?

peoples waiting for my answer , peoples leaving ...

15.10.11

this date, made me hate saturday , 3.45am

last time i really loved saturday . but now , i dont.

this day took away my most beloved mother.

yesterday, i did cry.because i suddenly flashbacked. the moment, i stood outside the ICU ward of Taiping Medical Centre.inside there was kinda crowded , so i didnt step in, i just look through the glass. then i noticed something , the heartbeat metre ( well thats what i called it ). Somehow , is it because i didnt slept for almost 24 hours, the metre line... started to turn a curve into a straight line, a very straight line.

I saw grandma started to yell her name, everyone held her back,telling her to calm down.

everyone immediately dragged her out, so that she could be more calmed.

i just, remained at the same spot.

i could feel tears started to roll down from my cheeks.

i felt so hopeless.

theres nothing i can really do? to save her?

no..i cant.

i remembered that day is the buddha goddess birth day, is it Her took my mother a peaceful place?

Before the funeral started, i remember i looked at the clock, it was 4 am .

i held tightly my mothers hand. and now then i only realized that, her hands , were so soft.

6~7am

i held her hands again, but this time, her hands were already harden.

after the 3 days funeral , we went to soon lee restaurant and ate.

all aunties and uncles , and also my sis , were nice to me.

kept on taking veges and meat for me.

as i looked into my plate, i started to cry again.

i was thinking , " is mummy going to eat this delicious food at There? "

hah.. now i felt my mind is totally blank. well, to be continued.

wen?

wen.... wen........

the voice... came from you.
i missed you.
i hated you.
i never want to love you anymore.

only you called me " wen". nobody can replace the calling by you..

i only let you call me that.

because the way you pronounce, it's so, hard to be describe.

just you...

although you sucked to be a boyfriend of mine, but, you are truthful, i know that.

just that your temper... ruins everything...

i know doesn't mean that it's all your wrong.

i'm wrong too.

i know that.

NOOOO

HEYY HE IS NOT JUST THAT INTO YOU OKAY?? STOP THINKING THAT HE LIKES YOU, BECAUSE, HE DON'T AND HE DIDN'T LIKE YOU ALRIGHT??? ANGELL LOWW WAKE UP!!!! he is not just that into you.he is not, he won't , he will never get into you ALRIGHT ?!?!?!?!?

stop dreaming lar..... STOP IT... !!!!

you're not charming pretty or whatsoever, what you think he'll be liking you? anything for him to like?? NO RIGHT!?!?!?!?! THEN?!?!?! STILL THINK?!??!?!! DROP IT OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

sigh...

Interested

Geeezz... why those relationship thing can't get out of my mind!

hey ~~ stop looking at boys. urghh i wish i can totally forget about a thing call RELATIONSHIP. it seriously irritates me !

relationship status.

well,yea. i broke up with him already.done with it.but yet he say me i flirt with boys, especially malay boys, which are totally ridiculous, i don't flirt okay.if i know them well i will mix and talk with them like besties. not for flirting okay, you think i very like flirting?? zzz, NONSENSE DUDE, i DONT FLIRT THE DAMN HELL WHATSOEVER.

nevermind, no use kept on talking on the same topic right? it's time to forget.he's not a jerk anyway. he is a cute and adorable, but his attitude..i can't stand any longer. well, impossible i force myself to continue such relationship right? i know im not perfect too. i wanted to end it faster because it's suffering for both of us. what for wasting our time at something that is not worthy? his words, ALWAYS change. in a minute he say yes, next minute he'll tell no. i was like, wtf? can't you secure your answers?

LOL I SAID BACK THE TOPIC AGAIN.saying that " i should forget" and i go on continue saying about him. HEY * SLAP MYSELF* okay... chills.

i wanted to know, what is the feeling of like? what is the true feeling of liking someone??how to make sure that it's not puppy love???

sigh... im a bad girl. i hurted someone's feeling. he's nice, but not for me... but it's okay for him to hate me. i accepted it, im not perfect too.. im sorry, M.you;re nice. but... i don't think im totally into you. just friends... although we're not now....

really, our life is full of REGRETS. why？ knowing it too late, and cant do anything right. pathetic feeling, dreadful,hatred. AHH, full of words to describe the feeling.

single best, i think. nothing to worry of, but, the person who waits you might go crazy!!!!


hahahah.

xoxo alls. :)