Listener.

sometimes i just need people who understands me, to listen to me.

its hard to find the right person, i know there are alot of people i can count on , but , sometimes they dont just understand, doesnt mean i underestimate them, i feel that, they are not the ones.

many things lingering in my mind, sometimes i feel like i gonna burst anytime, but when i wanna to tell out my pains , it , somehow disappears ,

dear friends , whenever you guys ever see this , please stop thinking that "oh she doesnt need me " whatsoever , please , i hate to see people being like this, its like a mistake i did, stop making me feel that everything i do , i feel is a mistake?

so thats why i say you guys dont really understand me, what i really feel about something, you think you knew , but actually , you dont.

Everything is just the same, tears came out before sleeps, last few days ago it happened, i dont understand, why?

i need a person, but i dont know who that person is ?

mama's birthday

O.O!

i saw it at my friend's mobile upload, i didnt knew he had such picture

i guess i was schooling that time ,and when i back she told me theres a cake

well i didnt taste it tho.

this year also is my last time to do cake for her , cheese cake !!

its my first time and the last time to do for her. :)

mummy <3

Part 2

gahhh now i remember!

i actually did inherited my mums soft hand ( hey not in a lanc tone ~)

my eldest sis told me , " hey your hands are as soft as mummy's ! "

i just smiled to her and said, " of course la ! who am i xD"

Everytime, when i was just sitting down, doing nothing, it made ma think about her , how is she balblablabla...

after she was gone, my house became so peaceful.

very peaceful.

then i thought , why do we need such a big house?( not really big la , just moderately?)

daddy says he planned to buy a penthouse after i go to aus for further studies.

now dad is so free, and get drunk alot.

usually when mummy is sick , he will take care of her, feed her .

now shes gone, he is free now , but lets imagine, you used to do something so frequently, now you dont have to do it anymore, how does that feel?

dad became so lonely, house became so silent....

when my mother get the 1st cancer- breast cancer, she told me , in the car, she told me to focus on studies, this is not the time for BOYS,but studies. She wanted us to make her proud, because she gave birth to 3 girls , well u know last time people thought girls were useless, when dad knew that the last baby (me) was a girl , hes kinda mad, thats why im the only one who doesnt had nicknames.

Mummy, i will do my best to make you proud .

i love you mummy, and misses you too.

After all many things happened on me.

hello bloggie

well maybe i dont reallly expect anyone to notice my blog (afterall its been a long time i quit blogging) actually im lazy to write in my diary .lol. because writing is more tiring than typing you know !

hahs, this year...can i say i hate it or love it?

peoples waiting for my answer , peoples leaving ...

15.10.11

this date, made me hate saturday , 3.45am

last time i really loved saturday . but now , i dont.

this day took away my most beloved mother.

yesterday, i did cry.because i suddenly flashbacked. the moment, i stood outside the ICU ward of Taiping Medical Centre.inside there was kinda crowded , so i didnt step in, i just look through the glass. then i noticed something , the heartbeat metre ( well thats what i called it ). Somehow , is it because i didnt slept for almost 24 hours, the metre line... started to turn a curve into a straight line, a very straight line.

I saw grandma started to yell her name, everyone held her back,telling her to calm down.

everyone immediately dragged her out, so that she could be more calmed.

i just, remained at the same spot.

i could feel tears started to roll down from my cheeks.

i felt so hopeless.

theres nothing i can really do? to save her?

no..i cant.

i remembered that day is the buddha goddess birth day, is it Her took my mother a peaceful place?

Before the funeral started, i remember i looked at the clock, it was 4 am .

i held tightly my mothers hand. and now then i only realized that, her hands , were so soft.

6~7am

i held her hands again, but this time, her hands were already harden.

after the 3 days funeral , we went to soon lee restaurant and ate.

all aunties and uncles , and also my sis , were nice to me.

kept on taking veges and meat for me.

as i looked into my plate, i started to cry again.

i was thinking , " is mummy going to eat this delicious food at There? "

hah.. now i felt my mind is totally blank. well, to be continued.