My motivator, my love

Ever since i came to Australia, its been seriously busy throughout the day. Mini test coming every week, then exams, works, assignment etc...
Time fled from may to july.
Now its 17th of July, damn, am i sitting in a time travelling machine or what ?
its july, then it will be september, then december.
Another year without Her, but i always know that she lives within my soul.
I envy my sisters that they have the chance to chat with her about college or university life.
Everytime i came home from college, i wont stop talking. I talk about my day in college, which jerk i bumped into, what teacher taught...etc.
It makes me feel better, telling my sister how is my day.
I like it.
Every time webcam chat with my grandma , shes so adorable, and buddy too. when she laughed, my sisters and I felt so happy too.
I wonder, or should i say surely dad's drinking skill is "improving".
I dont understand, is getting drunk and having a hangover the next day is fun?
You can drink , but can you dont get drunk?
sigh.
but i know that he changed a lot, ever since she fell ill.I can see the concern in his eyes.
but the most weirdest thing happen is that....during the last day of funeral, i suspected his tears, his sincerity, his agony.
Why? will she be replaced very soon?
i felt that because before she fell ill, both of my parents always argue and you can say that they almost filed a divorce. But still my mom wont do it, because she knows that it will affect her children badly.

When im down, i will hold tight her necklace, and pray that she will always watch over me, helping me fight against the odd.

To say that i escalated a lot, but, i always fear the day of my wedding, how much i wish she will be crying and watching me walking along the isle, praised me for marrying the right man, hugs and kisses ...
But those thing can poof off now. its not gonna happen.
She's gone. she's not here anymore.
she became my imagination.
she became my daily motivator.

its been 2 years + , i can do it.
I will always remember the promise with her in the car. I will make you proud .